I brought 2 N/A beers, had them with me in a tote bag (classy lady, eh?) and sneakily opened and drank them and no-one could tell the difference. Even though I don’t even care at this point if they had seen me or not – if they want to think that I’m pregnant and/or an alcoholic then I’ll just let them.
I put on a nice dress and some ridiculously high heels and off we went. God how these people bore me when I’m sober. All this talk of different schools, vacations, sailing, hunting, the price of homes in our neighborhood … But I’m good at small talk but I almost skipped when I walked home. No more BOREDOM. Or at least none of that superficial, slightly humblebragging nonsense.
The husband stayed. Of course, I knew he would. Even though he agrees with me that these people are so boring they can make the clocks stop ticking he still wants to go back? Why? And if the women are boring (and some of them had strangely tight looking faces, have they had work done on their skin as well as on their houses this summer?) at least they act friendly to my face. The men though. Just one big pissing contest. Unbelievable that he would want more of that. But then on the other hand, this is the kind of people he’s used to, I am not. I am a little climber of that class ladder, socially moving myself three steps upward and that makes me very uncomfortable. Nevermind that now. I made it. I’m sober, I’m home, it’s 8:45 on a Saturday night and I’ve got a whole bag of crisps stashed in the cupboard. I need to start eating more anyway, I will not switch drinking for disordered eating, not this time.
I MADE IT.
This made me think of an album with Built to spill but apparently that isn’t on Spotify just yet. It’s called Perfect from now on. I know life won’t be perfect. I know almost nothing will be perfect from now on, but at least they will be better. They will be sober. I needed to get angry about this to get my spark back. I’m ready to fight now. Fight for me, and this, and everything. I’ll post another song with them, it’s a really good one – listen if you’d like.