FUNDAY! No, not really. More like washing, cleaning, cooking.
Forcing dirty, short humans to get in their baths. (All of a sudden it sounds like my life is a lot more like a video with Queen than it really is.) But I’m still feeling very pleased with myself. I guess it’s the feeling of hope and longing at the same time which is a lot nicer of a place to be in rather than my usual self-hating misanthropy lovely Sunday self.
I am slightly afraid of something. If I can manage to get sober and start sorting my stuff out I will likely be a much more demanding person because then there will not be so many obvious reasons to hate myself and then maybe I will start to think that I deserve some things. I am not sure how my husband will react to all of this. He is the nicest man I have ever met, but he’s a man. That means he always thinks that he is worth something and I have now been a very good wife (in some aspects at least) and have desperately been trying to make atonement for my drinking. I have cleaned, and cooked, and washed and taken so much responsibility when it comes to the children and so forth but in my heart I have never ever been the kind of person that enjoys cooking and cleaning and always being taken for granted. I wonder how all of this will pan out. And oh, yes, I forgot. One day at a time. That really is a tricky one, as basic as it sounds.