really was the greatest. The school had some sort of teachers conference so 3 out of 4 children was going to stay home. Here’s why the day was so great: my husband took the day off and I (who has my office at home, or wait, office… it’s a really big ol’ desk that is covered in books and papers and different chords and chargers and chewing gum) went out into the real world! Sans enfants!
I felt a bit like Magellan. See, I live in a large city but my world has shrunk the last few years and I move around an area that is basically the smallest place known to man. It is a small triangle where I walk to school & pre-school/grocery store/our house. But off I went! To the library of course. I saw people! I ate food that I had not prepared myself! I caught SO many Pokémons during my lunch break (that I by the way ingested in a lovely park just by the pond)! I didn’t have to take care of a single living thing except myself! I need to do this more often. Maybe I should move into one of those creative freelancers office? Where everyone used to be in graphic design but that’s soo 2011 and wears glasses with brightly coloured frames even though they have perfect vision (I have the vision of a very old bat.) and are way cooler than me. But then again I really should be over trying to be cool by now.
But then I came home and everyone was whining and I started to prepare our dinner and taDA, there she was. The wicked witch. But she wasn’t even close to winning, not even close! Took me about a minute to slap her in the face with memories of my lovely day and the realization that I can have almost as many of those that I want. I can be the libraryworker! Me working from home coincides rather suspiciously with me upping my intake of wine. I do not know if this is a hen or the egg-kindathing, but I need to think about that a little bit more. Sure, it makes a lot of sense – me having my office at home. It’s very sensible. But it has also made it possible for me to be very hung over without having to face anyone and take early afternoons off to prepare some lovely snacks and juice in the garden. Just because that is the kind of loving mother I am… And would snacks in the garden with the children really be so great and fun for everyone if I just stand around drinking nothing? Nope. Maybe just one glass, it is summer/Thursday/the Olympics/my great grandfathers nameday after all. It has made drinking easier and I don’t know if I started drinking even more just because I could or if I have felt lonelier than I realised or if the drinking and the working from home are two separate things. But I need to start thinking about new stuff, not just keep on having the same narrative about myself and my drinking as I have had for a couple of years now. As she says: don’t try harder, try different. I’m going for different this time.