The state I am in

is way worse than I thought. Have spent the day eating like a fucking mad person. Stuffing myself with whatever I could find. Desperately trying to fill that hole in my soul or whatever it is I am trying to do. And yes. Sausages yesterday and holes today, it’s like a regular Freudian fiesta over here at the moment.



Give me few more days and I’ll be ready for the mumu

I feel nauseated and disgusted by myself and to be honest a whole lot more worried about my mental health than I have ever been before. As ridiculous as it may sound to you, I have actually  thought I had my shit together, at least somewhat, and that the drinking was my main issue and now I’m taking care of that and then everything will be dandy. YEAH RIGHT. This isn’t really working out like I imagined it would.

POST SCRIPTUM Just reread this post. Oh the DRAMA! The black/white dichotomous thinking that is me. So I’ve had one bad day and now I’m about to get myself committed to the asylum? Jesus. I’m really such a prima donna sometimes.

And your mom would drink until’ she was no longer speaking                                                                  And dad would dream of all the different ways to die
Each one a little more than he could dare to try



5 thoughts on “The state I am in

    • Hey Islandgirl. I don’t know, maybe I’m overreacting a bit, maybe it’s ok to have a shitty day where you try to soothe yourself in an unhealthy way, I don’t know. I just reread what I had written and actually blushed because I’m so extremely dramatic all the time. I’m unable to see things as an isolated event (I have heard that they exist!) and always go to the extreme. You are very kind to care. Tomorrow I’ll get out of the house to start with so I stop the isolating and get away from the cupboards… How are you doing?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m doing better. I think the depression episode is lifting. If I didn’t have my therapist – I’d be in a world of hurt. And yes it’s ok to have a shitty day or two especially at the beginning of getting the alcohol out of your system and habits. And don’t be embarrassed. No judgements here.

        Liked by 2 people

  1. Oh, I’ve been checking back on you all day today. Chin up, it sucks to feel so shit, all these emotions flooding everywhere unannounced and unwanted. Take it a day at a time. One bad day doesn’t a nervous breakdown make (I hope!). Getting out of the house is good, take care of yourself and don’t be too hard on you xxx

    Liked by 2 people

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