Ain’t no need to watch where I’m goin’, just need to know where I’ve been.

Feelings. So many. This morning my husband for some reason said ka-chow! when he was able to catch the milk before it tipped over. For all of you that are so blessed as to not have been forced to watch the movie Cars every single day for over a year – this doesn’t mean anything, but for me, this morning, it meant everything.

My 10-year old is going through a rough time. He’s unhappy at school and acting out at home and  being super neurotic and worries about all sorts of things and he has night terrors and yes. He’s in a very bad place and we’re doing our best to help him and get help but it’s really taking quite a toll on all of us. That simple memory of how much he used to love that movie and knew every line and how happy and innocent he was when he was a baby. Ah. The pain. Like a little knife. In my heart and in my nose. I almost never cry so I have almost forgotten how it is done so my poor body tried to fight it and it felt like someone had put acid up my nose. So very weird. One tear and extremely intense pain in the nose. This is really hard.

Tomorrow we have our wedding anniversary. First time without Bollinger. I don’t know how to celebrate stuff if it doesn’t not involve bubbly, how sad is that?

24 days and counting.


3 thoughts on “Ain’t no need to watch where I’m goin’, just need to know where I’ve been.

  1. My son had a horrible year at school when he was 9/10! Just awful, he was miserable and worried a lot and was acting out a lot. Makes home life so hard. I had my first sober wedding anniversary last year and it was fine (my not drinking didn’t last but this time it has stuck!), have another one coming up soon and have zero worries this time around. It all truly gets much much easier with time. Congrats on your one month and just know for sure it just gets better and better!

    Liked by 1 person

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