So we have this dinner coming up with the in-laws. It’s their 30th wedding anniversary and they’ll take us out to a fancy place to have A Very Fancy Dinner. And Fancy Dinners require Fancy Wine. I’m not worried about drinking, I don’ want to anymore, what I am worried about is my MIL nagging me to have at least one drink. She does it EVERY SINGLE TIME. It’s getting quite annoying actually and I’m already in a bad mood (because why wait when you have the opportunity to be in a pissy mood about something weeks before it even happens? So much bang for the buck if you do it like that!).
I’ve tried and tried to explain it to her in a way that makes it perfectly clear that I am happy about my decision, it is a decision I have taken on my own – for my own good, I feel so much better when I don’t drink and it really, really used to mess up my sleep. I.e I think I have been very clear without having to use the I’M AN ALCOHOLIC-explanation. Which I’m not very comfortable discussing with her because she’s a bigot and would probably fall of the chair and have a heart attack (hmm, maybe I SHOULD tell her?) and die of bourgeoise shame. The thing is she’s quite a heavy drinker beneath all that upper middleclass snootyness and fine wines and social gatherings and this really bugs her. I mean really. It’s personal.
She’s allergic to stone fruits. I’m thinking of telling her once and for all, in simple words, that it’s really not any of her business if I drink or not. This will be my analogy:
She gets quite ill if she eats stone fruits. She gets nauseous, feels horrible, throws up etc. I would never nag her to have a peach. I wouldn’t question her decisions to not eat prunes. I’d never tell her to have just a small piece of that juicy plum, just for my sake. Just one piece so that the rest of the plum-eaters won’t feel bad. I would happily eat my peach, enjoy it and don’t care AT ALL that she’s happily munching away on an orange instead. I would trust her to be capable of making that decision and I actually wouldn’t give a shit if she had a cherry on top or not. Because really, how important are the fruits we pick? Is that really what we need to celebrate their marriage? Peaches? Nah, I don’t think so. Marriage isn’t about mango is it? Tango might be the solution to a happy, muy caliente marriage but mango won’t really make that much of a difference.
I’ll work out the analogy as we approach Fancy Dinner Time (i.e maybe edit out the “I wouldn’t ask you to nibble my grapes”-line because vaguely erotic/weird/off) but I really need to make her stop bugging me.