Updated introduction

I am 42 years old, I am happily married and I have four children. I have started a ton of different courses/programs at University and I always stay for less than two years and then I quit. (I have studied to become: 1) journalist 2) doctor 3) nurse 4) psychologist. It makes for a good general knowledge but it does not pay the bills …)

I have been trying to escape my whole life: I’ve tried books, food, cigarettes, movies, other people, alcohol, dieting. The need to numb, to not feel, have grown stronger and lately I needed to combine my different vices in order for it to work. I drank and read and listened to music and cared for other people at the same time but in the end I just couldn’t take it anymore. I became a very depressed alcoholic. And I realized that the bad feelings never go away, they’re always there. Do you remember that line in the first Jurassic Park movie? “Life will find its way”? I think it is the same with whatever it is I am trying to not feel. Whatever the trauma I’m trying to hide from. The feelings will find it’s way.
Here I am. Welcome.